Finding God in the Mess: A Cancer Diagnosis, Shattered Expectations, and the Faith That Shows Up Anyway
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
Hey friends! Can we talk about those moments when life decides to throw you a curveball that makes you wonder if the pitcher has it out for you personally? You know what I’m talking about – those phone calls that split your world into “before” and “after.”
The Day Everything Changed
December 26th. The day after Christmas. While most people were still in their pajamas, enjoying leftovers. I got a phone call that changed everything. “Your back is riddled with lesions… and you have cancer.” Yep, the doctor was just that matter-of-fact!
Multiple Myeloma. At 44 years old.
Now, I’m not sure about you, but I had never even heard of Multiple Myeloma. There are no pink ribbons for it, no celebrity spokespersons, no “get yourself screened” commercials during your favorite TV show. It’s like the wallflower of cancers – rare, typically affects people over 70, and decided I looked like fun.
My immediate response? Let’s just say it wasn’t the faith-filled, worship-music-in-the-background moment you might expect from someone who loves Jesus. Nope. I completely fell apart. And I mean completely. Think volcanic eruption meets emotional tsunami. Not my finest hour, but definitely one of my most human moments.
When Faith Meets Reality (Spoiler: It Gets Messy)
Here’s the thing nobody talks about in Sunday School: sometimes our most honest moments with God sound more like ugly crying than beautiful prayers. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s more than okay – it’s human.
The enemy (and let’s be real, sometimes our guilt) loves to whisper that our tears mean we don’t have enough faith. That if we trusted God, we’d be calm and collected, quoting scripture like spiritual superheroes. But friend, that’s just not how emotions work, and it’s certainly not how our relationship with our Heavenly Father works.
I was reminded of a conversation I’d had with a dear friend months earlier. She told me something profound: “Every emotion you’re feeling is normal… because you’re human and God created you to feel, to cry, and to release.” Mic drop, am I right? Not anything I didn’t already know, but something I needed to hear in that moment.
Five Life-Changing Truths from an Unwanted Journey
After eight months of walking this road (and yes, sometimes stumbling along it), here are five truths that have become my anchors:
1. Emotions Are Just Another Way We Talk to the Father
Remember the woman with the alabaster box? She didn’t come to Jesus with a perfectly rehearsed speech. She came with tears, expensive perfume, and a heart full of love and desperation. Jesus didn’t rebuke her emotions – He received them as worship.
Our tears? They’re prayers, too. Our fears? God can handle them. Our questions? He’s not threatened by them. Sometimes our most authentic communication with our Heavenly Father happens when we’re too broken to put on our “church face.”
2. Know Your Enemy (And Your Savior)
The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy – and boy, does he love to kick us when we’re down. He’ll whisper that God has abandoned you, that you’re being punished, that your faith isn’t strong enough. But remember this: Jesus came that we might have life, and have it abundantly (John 10:10). Even in the valley, even in the storm, even when cancer crashes your party, abundant life is still available because Jesus is still on the throne.
3. God’s Timing Isn’t Our Timing (And That’s Actually Good News)
Remember Martha and Mary? When Lazarus died, they told Jesus, “If You had been here sooner, our brother wouldn’t have died.” Sound familiar? We all have our “if only you had…” moments. But Jesus had a bigger plan – one that involved resurrection, not just healing. Sometimes God’s delays are divine setups for greater glory.
4. The Power of People Praying for You
Jesus told Peter, “But I have prayed for you…” (Luke 22:32). When we can’t pray, others can. When our faith feels shaky, we can borrow from the faith of our prayer warriors. I’ve learned that sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is let others carry us to Jesus, just like the friends who lowered the paralyzed man through the roof.
5. You’re Never Alone (Not Even on the Worst Days)
“…I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). This isn’t just another cute Bible verse to make into a sticker. It’s a promise that covers hospital rooms and sleepless nights, scary test results and uncertain tomorrows. Even when we can’t feel Him, He’s there. Even when we’re too tired to talk, He’s listening.
The Beautiful Mess of Faith
Here’s what I’ve learned: faith isn’t the absence of fear, sadness, or confusion. Faith is about showing up anyway. It’s crying your eyes out and then getting up the next day to do it all over again, trusting that God is writing a story you can’t see yet.
Your response to hard news doesn’t determine your level of faith. Your tears don’t disqualify you from God’s love. Your questions don’t make Him love you less. If anything, they make you more like the people in the Bible – beautifully, messily, authentically human.
So whatever you’re walking through today, remember this: you serve a God who sees you, knows you, loves you, and has never once been surprised by your story. He was there before the phone call. He’s with you in the treatment room, and He’ll be there for whatever comes next. And that, my dear friend, is a promise you can cling to when everything else feels uncertain.
“Wait for the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!”
– Psalm 27:14
What unexpected journey are you walking today? Remember, Jesus specializes in meeting us right where we are – tears, fears, questions and all. You’re loved, you’re seen, and you’re never alone.